But sometimes I can't help but feel my daughter has drawn the short straw when she landed me as her mom. I'm just not one of those women that love doing mothering-type things. I don't know how to sew. I get bored playing games or doing other activities. I hate watching her do art sometimes because of the mess it makes. I don't pack lunches for her in the morning when other venues of food are possible.
There's probably many other areas I fall short in that are just not coming to me at this moment.
Is my daughter happy? Yes! Does she love her family? Yes! Is she well-loved? Of course! She she well-cared for? Absolutely!
But I always feel like I should be doing more. I fall way short of perfect in this area.
I imagine (or maybe just hope) that I'm not the only mother that feels this way. Please tell me that the rest of you feel like this at one time or another.
Do you ever feel you sometimes suck at motherhood?
I am right there with ya. I HATE, HATE, HATE board games, I cannot sew and am lucky not to poison my family when I cook, I hate pretend play and that is all Ben ever wants to do, for hours on end, and, yeah, I can't sew even a button. I literally had 2 kids so they would each have a playmate. Of course, they are in the, we hate each other, time of life, so that has backfired ; )
ReplyDeleteK is also very into crafts. I mean, are you kidding? Where did that come from? I am the least crafty person, ever. I don't have any desire to scrapbook, and I cannot stand sitting still for as long as it takes to put a mosaic jewelry box together, or whatever else she wants to do. She has even lately shown interest in knitting. KNITTING, of all things!!!
HA, so, yeah, I suck as a mom. I read FB updates from other mothers who are like, played 5 hrs of Monopoly today, and I am loving it! Or some other thing I would rather claw my eyes out than do. Hopefully I don't screw my kids up too much...ha.
Haha! That explains why we get along so well!
DeleteI'm not typically a commenter, but as a fellow mother that doesn't always find thrill in the mundane of the everyday I felt obligated to report that you are not the only one.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I know my children feel loved, cared for and secure. So, really, that's all that really matters. But also like you I find many of the "simple joys" of motherhood excruciatingly boring.
I am thankful that my love for my children overpowers my innate shortcomings. Plus we probably ought to give ourselves credit more for the extra mom things we do as moms of special needs kids. Just because we are accustomed to it, doesn't mean that it doesn't take a lot out of us!
Good luck!
Thanks for your kind words! It really is nice to know that I'm not the only one!
DeleteCheryl, a long time ago, sometime after the twins were born, I remember you telling me, not in these exact words, but something to the effect that there were a lot of ways to feel guilty about one's mothering. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of that observation. That you spoke your truth has helped me in these past 4 years more than you know. The truth is, we are the 99 percent. Yes, there are some women out there who are very, very domestic and nothing gives them more pleasure than to cook and clean and sew and do all those domestic things that are totally in the service of their families and that are really wonderful. But, they are the 1 percent. Most of us fall in somewhere on the spectrum. There is a famous parenting book by Bruno Bettelheim that I have yet to read but the title kind of sums up a truth - The Good Enough Parent. We are human beings and very few of us are absolutely excellent at ANYTHING much less the huge, exhausting, important, profound, job of parenting that has no always right road map for any kid. Someone said anything worth doing is worth failing at. The bottome line is if our kids are happy and well-adjusted, then we are doing a good job. Period.
ReplyDeleteI think I know who this is! LOL! I'm so glad I was able to offer you support. I can't even imagine how to handle twins, but you always make it look so much fun! I like the title of "The Good Enough Parent." It sounds like it sums up my philosophy perfectly. And it's nice to know that not only am I not along, but you think we are the vast majority. Yay us!
DeleteI like to think when I am totally ignoring my son thus forcing him to find his own entertainment that I am teaching him self reliance. It's a great rationalization that cuts down on the guilt.
ReplyDeleteI hear you! I suspect most moms feel that way. Don't be too hard on yourself!
ReplyDeleteOh, I totally relate. I hate playing with my daughter. I hate making meals. And I never thought I'd be the kind of mother who loses her patience and yells at her kids, but sometimes I do. I think we believe that motherhood should be this blissful, idealized state. It's totally over-romanticized. I love my kids and I'm glad I'm so involved with them, but... I'm also glad when they're at school and I get a break!
ReplyDeleteMy belief about parenting is if we don't sometimes wonder if we're doing a good job, there's probably something terribly wrong that we're completely ignoring. Any parent who doesn't question his or her abilities is in deep denial. ;-)
ReplyDelete