Swim Lesson Craziness

Last summer was a big deal with my daughter concerning swimming! She finally got the hang of kicking and using arm strokes at the same time. She also went to a camp which had a lot of time in the pool! She really wanted to earn the right to swim in the deep end, but to do that she had to pass a swim test. This involved swimming the entire length of the pool. She finally passed the test, but it was near the end of her time at camp.

We thought it would be a good idea to give her some private lessons before camp started again. We thought she could use the refresher and hopefully pass the swim test at camp closer to the beginning of the summer rather than toward the end! At the school fundraiser's silent auction, my husband won 5 private swim lessons for my daughter. Luckily, the last week of school gets out early everyday, so we were able to schedule in the 5 private swim lessons right before camp starts the following week.

Unfortunately, the company that provides the swim lessons has a few rules and suggestions that have to be followed. I totally understand the importance of following good, common-sense rules. However, when I saw the email listing everything, I was horrified. This was quickly followed by the relief that I had fresh blogging material! The email listed about 25 rules. I'm highlighting some of my favorite ones. These are direct quotes from the email sent, including the things they put in all caps. My commentary is added in parenthesis following their rule.

Swim Company X has rules and it is not because we are militant crazy people. The rules are there to keep the swim school running clean and smoothly. We're really very nice people, and we hope you understand that the rules are in place to ensure cleanliness and safety for your children. We want your child to have an optimal swimming experience. Please don't be too intimidated by them. (Too late, I'm terrified!).

LAST BITE of child's meal must be 2.5-3 hours PRIOR to entering pool. This does NOT mean the child starts eating 2.5-3 hours before alesson, it means LAST BITE taken. As children learn breath control, at times they may gag on water and vomit. There's a $100 charge if this happens in our pool. (So, my daughter isn't allowed to eat her lunch at school during lunch time? Do kids learn swimming when they're starving to death and have no energy?)

Suggestions and/or compliments are also more than welcome! When you encourage your
child's teacher and express gratitude toward him or her for teaching your child this life-saving skill, it creates great energy that the child picks up on. (Wow, I assumed they were talking about giving your child compliments when I first started reading the sentence. They actually have a rule about complimenting the instructor so your child will listen to them. That's hilarious!).

Expect crying the first few days (I'm sure this is geared to the really little kids, but it didn't state that explicitly. Maybe older kids are crying because they're hungry?).

IF for some reason your child reacts in an extreme way (yelling and screaming beyond what is appropriate crying) and hurts a teacher (this is rare) you will be expected to
intervene and tell your child this behavior is not okay. If the child is distracted by you, you will be asked to leave. It is more than okay to be scared-it is natural for many children- but here at Swim Company X we teach children to use their words to express fear, not their fists or extreme loud voices. (I'm confused. What if I'm shooed away because my daughter is distracted by me, then attacks the swim teacher. How can I intervene if I'm waiting in the swim office?).

Please bring your own trash bag. We ask people to bring their own trash bags, as we simply cannot have our facility unsanitary. We want you to have a clean experience. (This rule makes perfect sense if they allowed you to be food and/or drink, but they don't. I can't figure out what the trash bag would be for! Oh, maybe it's for dirty diapers? I don't think I need to bring one then. Never mind!).


The other rules were pretty usual, but repetitive. I think they listed the no eating food rule about 3 times on the list. My daughter has had swim lessons from 4 other providers during the course of her life. While they have their list of rules, I've never seen anything so extensive, scary, and funny.

My daughter will do fine, I'm sure. I'm the one that's scared!