Walking on Eggshells

This week's Asperger storyline on "Parenthood" involved the incredibly stressful situation of Max (the nine-year-old boy with Asperger's) wanting to go trick-or-treating this year. In the past, they wouldn't go because the whole experience was too much for Max to handle. He was scared of many of the costumes, couldn't handle seeing candles of any kind, and the whole holiday put him into sensory overload. His Mother was afraid of extreme anxiety and tantrums. So, instead of being really excited that Max wanted to face his fears and go trick-or-treating, his mother dreaded the event. She didn't want to deal with him having a major episode in front of the whole neighborhood. So while Kristina didn't want to face trick-or-treating, his dad, Adam, was pretty excited about trying it out.

I have to be honest, I love this show, but I'm getting pretty annoyed with the Kristina character this season. The writers are turning her into a total control freak, crazy-lady. I think they need to lighten up on her a bit. Anyway, Kristina did not want to take Max trick-or-treating. She just wanted them to do the usual--playing Monopoly in the upstairs without the lights on. I guess so that Max wouldn't have to see the trick-or-treaters. They actually consulted with an expensive psychologist to see how they should proceed. His advice? Go trick-or-treating you numskulls!

I mean, this is obvious, right? I was really losing patience with the show. They were rehearsing Max the day before Halloween by walking in the daylight, explaining what he had to do. This might make some sense to do, but it seems they should have done it at night-time instead of the daytime. Kristina was also passing out chem lights to all her neighbors, asking them to use those instead of candles. Really? Isn't that a bit overboard?

As I was screaming at the television, I had to stop myself and remember what it was like with my daughter before we starting to get help. I walked on eggshells constantly. I was always afraid of what might set off a tantrum, that I would try to avoid any situation that might bring it on. You can only imagine what the stress level of living like that is like. You are figuratively waiting for the bomb to drop. Every. Single. Second. And you know what? For every tantrum you successfully avoided, another one would pop up that you could have never anticipated--not in a million years!

My daughter has come a long way during these last couple of years. Does she still tantrum? Of course, but it's nowhere like it used to be. While I still try to anticipate what will set her off and prepare her for it (called priming), I don't allow myself to become overly stressed about it anymore. Because either she's in a mood where any little thing will set her off or she'll take things in stride. I know how to handle the storm once it hits. I don't try to avoid situations anymore. I do prime her as best I can (although trying to get a whole neighborhood to accommodate my daughter would be a bit much).

My daughter needs to learn to face the world and deal with its challenges. If I shield her from these things forever, then she won't be prepared. At the end of the "Parenthood" episode, Max really pushed his parents to stop coddling him and let him push his boundaries since he felt ready to do this. They ultimately let him face every major fear. He didn't have any meltdowns and really grew through that experience. And you know what? I think he would have grown through that experience even if he DID have a meltdown.

You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. Sometimes you have to stop tiptoeing around and just try making that omelet!